When you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself. And that changes everything. – Marc & Angel
It is better to pay attention to the harmony and disharmony within yourself and eliminate the impossible task of trying to control and shape others.
Before you try to mold, shape or change another person in your life again, take a look at yourself and work on that which needs adjustment in your own life.
Stop trying to control that which you cannot. Focus on the things within yourself that you can change.
Controlling your own behavior . . .
- Your present and future behavior,
- How you respond to the behavior of others,
- How you spend your time,
- Who you spend time with, the friends you keep, your participation and behavior in relationships,
- How you apply your talents and strengths.
- The strengths you choose to acquire, develop, and apply.
- Initiative, drive, commitment, tenacity, focus,
- Who waits for whom,
- The promises you keep, and the people you betray,
- Your level of nutrition and fitness,
- Habits, both good and bad
- The choices you make,
- Preparations and plans you make,
- Impulse control,
- Integrity, authenticity, congruence, reciprocity
- The path you take,
- Your behaviors that annoy others,
- Where you live, where you work, where you play, your career,
- The responsibility you take for yourself, and who you choose to blame,
- When you appease, when you acquiesce, when obey, when you submit, when you rebel, when you protest, and when you blow the whistle.
- Where you shop, how you spend, and how you save,
- When and how you use your power.
- Reappraise, apologize, forgive, let go, and take responsibility for yourself.
- Deciding to do your best, or less than your best.
What you communicate to others . . .
- What you say, how you say it, who you say it to, and when you say it,
- The authenticity of your expression,
- Who you greet, and how you greet them,
- Facial expressions, body language, gestures, posture,
- Grooming, dress, and personal hygiene,
- The attitude you project,
- What you write, say, and share,
- Who you include and who you exclude,
- Your public image,
- The topics you avoid, and those you engage, when you are patient, when you show impatience.
- Authentic information or deceptive, manipulative, incomplete, or disingenuous disinformation.
- The promises you make, when you say “Yes”, and when you say “No”.
- Who you like, who you trust, who you dislike, who you distrust,
- The symmetry of the power relationships, including: deference, respect, fawning, condescension, leadership, or disrespect.
- Who you show respect to and who you are disrespectful of,
- What you are willing to tolerate, and what you take a stand on,
- Who you interrupt and who you allow to interrupt you.
- The trust you extend and the trust you earn.
What you know . . .
- Facts you have gathered,
- The evidence you consider,
- The theory of knowledge you use to choose your beliefs.
- Expertise, skills, and how you apply your talents,
- Literacy, logic, quantitative skills, domain knowledge,
- What you study, read, listen to, and learn,
- What you question and what you accept,
- Your self-image, including your understanding of your authentic self.
How you think . . .
- Your values and goals.
- What you believe,
- religious beliefs,
- The assumptions you make, the questions you ask,
- Who you trust,
- The points of view you adopt,
- What you value, how you evaluate information, the priorities you set, what you want.
- The focus of your attention, what you regard as important and what you regard as unimportant, your priorities.
- Your mood, attitude, and point of view,
- Your explanatory style; optimistic or pessimistic,
- The alternatives you generate and consider,
- How you balance inquiry and advocacy,
- Your level of innovation,
- Your compassion, empathy, and understanding of others.
- Your level of skepticism, and openness to new ideas
- Interest, investigation, imagination, and curiosity,
- How you choose friends and who you regard as friends,
- Who you choose as enemies, and who you fear,
- Your willingness or refusal to hate others,
- Who you love and who you decide to hate.
- How you learn,
- Your level of emotional competency.
- The integrated and introjected regulations you maintain and respond to.
What you hope, dream, and aspire to:
- Your goals,
- Your hopes and aspirations,
- Your role models.
This post was wildly inspired by Leland Beaumont
Inspired Reading Self Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Getting Back to Happy by Marc & Angel
You can’t control everything that happens to you in this crazy world, but you can control your response to it. Marc and Angel provide a grace-filled guide to navigate life and find happiness regardless of your circumstance.”
—Joshua Becker, founder of Becoming Minimalist and author of The More of Less