I have become obsessed with understanding all of the ways I stop myself from believing in myself and why I have such a difficult time receiving love from others. I think the two are connected some how and I am on a quest to know how I can swim through that undercurrent of self-doubt and vulnerability that I feel each day.
Low self-confidence can feel like a life sentence, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I believe that self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill.
Why don’t I believe in myself? Well, I actually do, to a certain extent, but for some reason, I get to a certain level of confidence and then I tense up, I can’t let go – I can’t seem to grow into more of who I can be.
I am not imagining this, for it is real and it is my challenge. I know somewhere deep inside that I am capable of many great things, but I have blocks to believing that I am capable, worthy and deserving of love from myself and others. I honestly want to remove these blockages, so I can upgrade my level of confidence and move forward to become a more powerful version of myself. Not just for me, but for my work and for everyone I encounter.
It was a healer, a shaman from Columbia, his name Jesús, who I let examine my heart during a healing ritual. It was pretty trippy because I went back to a vision of myself living as a shaman in an ancient Mayan village. Jesús told me I must learn to believe in myself. He asked me over and over, why don’t you? why don’t you believe in you? Why don’t I believe that I am much stronger than I think I am?
More recently, I noticed that I have blockages to receiving love. It was during a spiritual session at Casa Mana Bliss, when our guide was taking our group through a guided meditation of giving out and receiving love and compassion – while doing gamma breath work with diamond mudras and immersed in a beautiful symphony of sound bath therapy. This was one of the most creative sessions that I have experimented with – and I have been to many a healer, shaman and retreat. It is fascinating to work with people who are attempting to shift your way of thinking, who are trying to help the world expand their consciousness.
I applaud anyone attempting to do this. It is not easy.
Now while the meditation was a beautiful experience, what I really took away was a very important lesson. I was very aware that I had a difficult time taking in that love and compassion for myself. No problem giving it out – but an inability to breathe it in like I want to.
Wait a minute, you lost me, what the hell is gamma breath work?
Gamma Breathing is meant to upgrade your brain processing power and change your state of breathing. It is a great way to get out of a funky mood.
So far I have concluded that in order to believe in myself more, I most do more. I must be willing to test, experiment, and try new things even when I feel uncertain that they will work or that I can do them.
“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear and get a record of successful experiences behind you.” –William Jennings Bryan
If you are working towards becoming a better version of yourself, than perhaps you should start asking yourself “How would the person I’d like to be, do the things I am about to do?”
Watch: TedX “How To Believe In Yourself”
Read How facing discomfort can help you believe in yourself @zenhabits
Julia Lillard on Instagram @julialillardart