For as long as I can remember, from the time I was a young girl, I’ve always had a very strong aversion to being “comfortable”. There was something foreign to me about the feeling of being okay with the way things were. To be complacent was something I never wished to be.
To me, comfortable meant lazy. To feel comfortable felt like you didn’t want to put in the effort. It meant not caring enough to make anything better. It meant going along with the way things were – not wanting to strive for better.
I believe that when we are comfortable, we don’t question anything. We’re not affected by life. We’re checked out.
I am thinking about how this aversion to feeling comfortable has effected my life. I am a seeker, a striver and person willing to adapt, change and remain open to something better. It has been both a blessing and curse. I am never satisfied with the way things are and unwilling to accept being comfortable, so this living feels uncomfortable and at times feels like a struggle. Nothing in my life is ever good enough – in my mind, it can always be better.
Now, as I mature, what I seek is to feel content, that is – to live in a state of peaceful happiness. My desire is to feel tranquil, serene, satisfied and grateful.
My crown is in my heart, not on my head, Nor decked with diamond and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: My crown is called content:
A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy.
– William Shakespeare from King Henry VI
Ruthbell on Instagram @rbellart