If you met me in person you would see that I come across as independent, contained, confident, and un-needy. Avoiding emotional engagement in relationships is my speciality. I give love out, but I can’t take it in.
In addition to fearing rejection, I keep distant because I don’t trust that any connection or acceptance will last. I am ambivalent about relationships—some part of me wants connection, but I am also frightened—I succumb to fear and pull away at the first sign of a disconnect, an argument, a fight.
I’m the emotionally stoic mother, wife, sister, and friend and I am rarely able to share my vulnerability. Nobody knows my true inner feelings about why I push love away, not even myself. I like to be the giver in a relationship. That way I never owe anyone anything. I feel like running the other way whenever anyone tries to make me feel like I’m obligated to do or feel something I don’t want to.
This is about to change.