Everything at Once

Sometimes I wake up excited about everything. Well to be honest, I am both excited and terrified. Excited about the opportunity the day brings and terrified that I won’t accomplish anything great in my life.

I’m excited to start the day and I’m ready take off and I am terrified that I will not have the time.

Juiced up, I find myself in a frenzy of desire to do this and do that. Like a child, I am lit by the divine. I just want to get everything started already. I want it all at once.

I am oozing with enthusiasm. My soul is on fire. I am determined to co-create with God.

I begin with the desires. I’m going to find that new place to live, start writing that new book, I am going to learn this and learn that. All at once.

All of the ideas come flooding into my brain and I am energized. I’m supercharged with an unrealistic belief that I must begin everything right now.

I believe I might be touched by delusion.

I am ready to go. Today’s the day. All the beginnings will be made at once.

By midday I crash. I exhaust myself mentally. I am tired before I begin. I overwhelm myself with the thought of it all. It’s self sabotage really. It’s also immaturity.

I know better. I know that everything takes time. It’s not suppose to be easy, but all these expectations only make it harder.

Most importantly, I must enjoy the process.

I remember that I am in between.

Start again with small steps. One thing at a time, one moment at a time.

I take a deep breath and begin again.