Analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis is the state of over-analyzing (or over-thinking) a situation so that a decision or action is never taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome.
What if I make the wrong one?
Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?
– Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland
The phenomenon of overchoice occurs when many equivalent choices are available. Examples of overchoice include college options, career options, and prospective romantic relationships. Many increased by technology. In today’s world, we have easy access to more of everything at our fingertips.
Overcoming That Overwhelming Feeling
It helps to remember your final destination. Where have you set your sites? Your goals?
Recalling your dreams helps to distinguish between an opportunity to be seized and a temptation to be resisted.
“If you haven’t the strength to impose your own terms upon life, then you must accept the terms it offers you.”
Featured image by Remedios
Girl with Binoculars by Bernie Fuchs
Artwork by Peter Beard.
He married a supermodel, photographed rock stars and came from a wealthy family. Easy on the eyes too.
Peter Hill Beard is an American artist, photographer, diarist and writer who lives and works in New York City and Kenya. His photographs of Africa, African animals and the journals that often integrate his photographs have been widely shown and published since the 1960s.
No. 1 Don’t deceive yourself. See things as they are, not how you wish they would be. As hard as this is, it’s gravely important, less you desire to be repeating “why didn’t I see that coming?” So often we ignore the truth for the lies we prefer.
“As we learn to recognize and understand the body’s subtle sensations, and then act on them, our self-trust will grow tremendously. To me it is rather amazing that the body has this innate sense of the truth, as if the body is hardwired for it,” states psychotherapist John Prendergast Ph.D.
Read more here @thoughtcatalog
Acts of Love are valid only if they are performed without conditions or expectations.
It starts with honoring and remembering the sacredness that lives within all of us.
Here’s a thought.
We can completely avoid being “blindsided” by problems. Problems leave clues way before they become dilemmas.
Problems present themselves first as small annoyances. The things that are bugging you that are tiny enough to just brush off and not big enough to make you care.
There are so many clues right in front of our eyes but we may not want to look at them because, well, they can lead to an even more frightening thought. The future.
I hate it when I notice a minuscule pesky problem and I say “oh, it will be okay.” Yeah, no it won’t. Grab it by the ass.
Sure I, on occasion, have just wanted to things to be okay, even if they weren’t. I even said to myself, as shit was going down, it’s okay. Sometimes I surrounded myself with people who loved to stay in the bubble of “okayness” rather than face the problem head-on. I don’t anymore.
It’s called living in denial.
We have immense power to cause both positive and negative outcomes in our lives. It starts by waking up to the truth. Small problems today grow into sucky stressful tomorrows. Address the problems now and save yourself the stress.
Surreal images by Eugenia Loli
“If you have strength of character, you can use that as fuel to not only be a survivor but to transcend and thrive. You must use an internal alchemy to turn something rotten and horrible into gold.”
“An individual has not begun to live until he can rise above the narrow horizons of his particular individualist concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. And this is one of the big problems of life, that so many people never quite get to the point of rising above self. . .so they end up the tragic victims of self-centeredness.” MJK jr. Read the entire brilliant thing here.
Take note: this post was inspired by the King himself and the incredible speech above and another interesting dude, Jocko Willink, decorated retired Navy SEAL officer, author of the book Extreme Ownership: How US Navy SEALs Lead & Win.
Not Dead, Don’t Quit
Serving with Honor and Integrity On and Off the Battlefield, Jocko believes we can all benefit from creating our own code of conduct. Call it what you will, standard procedure, a moral code, rules of road, your manifesto. . .Jocko and Martin Luther King Jr. had me thinking about what I aspire to be less and more of.
Note: two habits I have recently adapted into my daily practice of MJ’s experiment in human development include . . .
- “wishing others well”, inspired by Sakyong Mipham author of Turning the Mind into An Ally and . . .
- creating this creed below (my principles, modus operandi, approach to life), which I read every morning, to remind myself to hold the standard, because well . . .
If you’re feeling stuck and struggling to make the progress you want, take a look around you. Most people adapt to whatever environment they find themselves. They have what psychologists call an “external locus of control,” where they believe factors outside of them dictate the direction of their lives.
No they do not. YOU CONTROL THE DIRECTION OF YOUR LIFE.
A Warrior Queen’s Creed
(hey, this is a major step up for me, I use to be a worrier queen)
- A Warrior Queen is very discerning about who she aligns herself with, befriends, spends time with – for they must energize her, not deplete her.
- A Warrior Queen awakens to each day with absolute gratitude and appreciation for the breath that gives her life.
A Warrior Queen knows that she is a tiny, vulnerable being riding on a blue dot in space, not the center of the universe. (this is the money right here).
A Warrior Queen is always willing to help others rise up and become the best that they can be. Even when she mistakens a friend’s call as an interuption in her day.
A Warrior Queen knows what motivates her, for she is very self aware, to the point of calling bullshit on the lies she tells herself.
- A Warrior Queen understands that REAL forgiveness keeps the flow of love pumping through her heart.
- A Warrior Queen acknowledges both life and death, good and evil, joy and sorrow and never dives into escapism or fantasy about how she wishes the world to be. She sees everything for what it is, with radical acceptance. (OH MY GOD THIS WAS NOT ME A MONTH AGO, I SWEAR)
- A Warrior Queen looks for the FACTS, not fiction in every situation. Everyone should try this one, a game changer really. (inspired by episode 216 of James Altucher’s podcast with author of Sapiens, Yural Harari.
- A Warrior Queen respects all living beings, especially her worst enemies. Soooooo hard to do, yet a very strategic move.
- A Warrior Queen is always learning, reading, listening to those with the brightest brains, highest intelligence and gathering wisdom along the way.
- A Warrior Queen practices extreme self care. She moves and exercises (her demons too), eats healthy, rests well to stay strong and energized throughout the day.
- A Warrior Queen trains in earnest with a meditation ritual each day to remain focused and in the present moment, awake and alive.
- A Warrior Queen is full of compassionate empathy and loving radical acceptance and kindness for what is.
- A Warrior Queen has a heart that is ready for anything.
- A Warrior Queen sees situations as they are, not bigger than they are.
- A Warrior Queen guards her mind, her words and her wishes, always thinking thoughts that lead to positive emotions. (this one is a huge challenge for me, but I am improving).
- A Warrior Queen is comfortable with the uncomfortable truths of life.
- A Warrior Queen appreciates every single encounter each day, for she knows life is sacred.
- A Warrior Queen does not fantasize about catastrophes that might happen in the future. She stays present and prepared in this moment.
- A Warrior Queen is centered, calm, cool and collected. She moves with purpose and confidence throughout her days.
- A Warrior Queen does not resist reality and does not desire permanence for she knows the unchanging truth of change and relinquishes attachment to any outcome. This includes people, places and things. Her shift in perception of reality, that everything is impermanent helps her appreciate the nature and master of life. This world is made of infinite and ever changing moving parts. There is nothing to hold on to.
- A Warrior Queen wakes up to what samsara is, the suffering of life. She rises above the suffering and emerges with the understanding that everything is impermanent.
- A Warrior Queen knows what creates more suffering – acting in non-virtuous ways out of bewilderment, fixation, aggression, jealousy and pride. (oh my family would have a field day here – hey guys if you are reading this, I Love You, work with me here).
- A Warrior Queen acts with intention of kindness, love, patience and non-attachment because these intentions elevate the mind above negative emotions. (Sometimes so hard to do when waiting on a long line at the UPS store. But you do it. You just do it.)
- A Warrior Queen wishes others well throughout the day, knowing her heart can melt even the harshest judgement and suffering.
- A Warrior Queen is never selfish. She has a noble heart that desires all to find their true happiness (pro tip: this is another thing that is really hard to do when you want to punch someone in the face really hard- but you just do it). She works for all to go in the direction of their hearts.
- A Warrior Queen doesn’t burden others with her suffering, but shares the wisdom she has gained. (inspired by a Ted Talk from Carolyn Myss “Choices that Can Change Your Life“
- A Warrior Queen acts from the sacred self and chooses throughout the day to be at peace. (and sometimes that means avoiding people who are a real pain in the ass).
- A Warrior Queen moves through life from a deep conscious knowing and has NO DOUBT that she is a warrior queen and so are all her brothers and sisters on this spinning planet.
- A Warrior Queen is filled with only unconditional love for all beings.
I am the Warrior Queen.
“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” Tony Morrison
Asylum Art sketches Januz Miralles
To be aware of a single shortcoming within oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in somebody else.
What must I let die today? What most go, in order for me to love more deeply? To live more intently? To embrace life more purposely?
What am I hesitant in doing?
What should continue to live? And what life am I afraid to give birth to today?
- More of my curiosity about everything.
- Trusting where love takes me.
- Exploring the lush but uncharted territory of this world.
- Listening deeply with a more loving and tender heart.
- My deep desire to connect with others.
- More leaning on the cheek of god, doing things that expand my mind and conscience.
- Allowing my heart to break open – a vast and oceanic heart.
“What is.” Simply, What is.
I was seeking the truth about why my words contradicted my actions. Why my good intentions were backfiring. Why I would say “I want to achieve this and I want to achieve that” all day long- but I never really met my goals head on. I got some half-assed results. Whether it was ” I will never let anyone treat me like that again,” as I jumped into bed with my ex or “I’m not eating another piece of fattening bread again,” as I smeared a slab of butter on the dinner roll. Contradicting myself all the time. Oh to be human.
I would set myself up each day for success, at least in in my mind, but by dinner time, I was right back where I started, sometimes even worse off. Self-sabotage. Overpromising too many people, including myself and underdelivering and setting myself up for failure.
It came to the point where I just couldn’t trust myself at all any more. I’d say things to myself like “I’ll start saving money soon,” as I continued to rack up my credit cards at my favorite boutiques, restaurants and cafes.
I’m working on building my trust back. Honestly, how can you trust anyone else if you don’t trust yourself?
Read: 21 Signs You Don’t Trust Yourself
Trusting yourself is what builds confidence. On the other hand, NOT trusting yourself, because you are lying to yourself, is what leads to self doubt and ultimately painful emotions. And you know how we don’t like to feel those.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Faust: First Part
Trusting Only The Good Parts of Ourselves
Personally, I have found that self-trust starts with self-forgiveness and taking the time to understand why we are so self-deceptive. I took sometime to think back on all the terrible, selfish and thoughtless things I have done to myself and to others throughout my life. Then I read the list. God that was hard. Then I waited a day and thought about more bad things that I did and added to the list. Oh, to take a good look into the guiltiness of it all. It was so damn painful. The crazy thing is – I would write down something I remembered that I did that hurt someone and then I WOULD MAKE AN EXCUSE FOR WHY I DID IT. Really??
The point I am trying to make here is that we can’t just trust some parts of of ourselves. Like the good parts with the good emotions. We have to trust our whole entire being. The good, the bad and the ugly. This starts by not abandoning yourself. You abandon yourself every time you don’t allow yourself to be completely honest, feel badly and sit with some of the pain and sadness you have brought to your own life. Don’t dwell there, just become more aware.
“Self trust is the essence of heroism.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“But I think that because they trusted themselves and respected themselves as individuals, because they knew beyond doubt that they were valuable and potentially moral units — because of this they could give God their own courage and dignity and then receive it back. Such things have disappeared perhaps because men do not trust themselves anymore, and when that happens there is nothing left except perhaps to find some strong sure man, even though he may be wrong, and to dangle from his coattails.”
― John Steinbeck,
“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.”
But How do You Develop Your Values?
A Beginner’s List of Values
- Authenticity – to be genuinely yourself at all times. If you value your authenticity and you are in a position where you feel like you have to be someone you are not, you may become very frustrated and upset, because you are living against your core value of being 100% completely you. The same goes for if you are feeling unaccepted for who you are and what you stand for. If your friends or aquaintances disapprove of you, then you may be inclined to feel disappointed. To live an unapologetically authentic life while surrounding yourself around people who appreciate your uniqueness is extremely fulfilling. Find them.
- Being the best
- Care – if showing genuine care and consideration in your relationships is something you believe to be very important than you will be hard pressed to find compatibility with someone who doesn’t demonstrate a warm, affectionate, tender and kind reciprocation back towards you.
- Challenge – when one of your core values is to be continually challenged by a life of learning, growing and expanding your consciousness, it is difficult to associate with people who are content with staying the same.
- Financial independence
- Making a difference
- Resilience – to get back in the saddle, to bounce back from a bad moment, to keep on going. If resilience is what you value, you may become very short-tempered with people who give up quickly or enjoy a good pity party.
- Thoughtfulness – the act of being thoughtful means to pay attention to the details, to think things through before doing them, to plan with more discernment. If thoughtfulness is an important value to you then you may be very frustrated going to places and experiencing things that are rushed, unmannerly or discourteous.
- Truth – If you value the truth, you expect people to be honest with you and you earn and build their trust by being 100% real with them. When and if someone lies to you, you will suffer, because you value honesty in a relationship, whether it be a professional or personal one.