Doubts don’t kill dreams, delusional thoughts do. Our half-beliefs and uncertain thoughts are trying to tell us something very important and it is our responsibility to listen up and act.
Negative mind chatter
These annoying worries that wake us up early and keep us from moving forward, hold the power to help us grow and become stronger.
While most of us tend to drown out the worry, anxiety and concern, I am interested in finding out what happens when instead of tuning out self-doubt, I give it an ear. What is my self doubt trying to tell me?
Listening and questioning about my worry and ruminating thoughts of . . .
Guilt.
Do I have my priorities straight? Am I doing what is most important to me? What is best for all? What have I been ignoring? What should I take care of now?
Dissapointment.
How have I let others down? Am I treating others and myself in a caring and endearing way? What have I neglected to do?
Self-doubt reminds us that we have work to do. It nags at us -we need to improve.
It tells us that we are not finished, that we can and we should try to become more . . .thoughtful. . . honest, intelligent. . .loving, patient, wise. . .compassionate, empathetic. .
The uncertainty and apprehension of self-doubt, the emotions that ride along, that keep us fearful and manifest into worry and anxiety can really improve us. If we listen and take action.
These feelings don’t have to drown us and we don’t have to drown them.
Yet and while we are at it, we must hold on to some confidence. Anxiety and worry should push us to power on, to move forward and to hone our skills, better our behavior and become an improved version of our former selves. Not break us down.
BUT. . .
First things first, we must cease and desist the ongoing self-delusion.
“you think I’m crazy,” she said.
“no,” he said, “you’re not crazy enough”
Few people nowadays know what man is. Many sense this ignorance and die the more easily because of it . . . I do not consider myself less ignorant than most people . . . I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teachings my blood whispers to me. My story is not a pleasant one; it is neither sweet nor harmonious as invented stories are; it has the taste of nonsense and chaos, of madness and dreams like the lives of all men who stop deceiving themselves. (Hesse 105)
Hesse, Herman. Siddartha, Demian, and other Writings. Ed. Egon Schwarz. New York: Continuum, 1992.
I am deceiving myself every time I . . .
- underestimate the amount of time it takes to do something.
- continue on with conflicting behavior that does not align itself with my ideals.
- set goals that I don’t yet have the tools, skills or talent to reach.
- think I got my point across, when I believe I made myself understood but the other person did not listen- did I use the right words, the best tone, how can I command more respect, get others to really listen?
- tell myself that was my very best – I gave it my all. Push on.
- blow things out of proportion – thinking that problems are bigger than they really are.
- make excuses for bad behavior -lashing out, behaving poorly or treating others in a way I would never wish to be treated.
- tell myself something is going to be easier than it actually is.
- have an idea, that I think it’s a great idea, even though I haven’t tested it.
Those who are slow to confess their errors are busy constructing lies to conceal them. – Unknown.
Featured image
Apparition of Face and Fruit Dish on a Beach, 1938 by Salvador Dali
I love the way she handles the creative younger sister in her mind, the one who wants to do everything at once. She calms her down by devoting 15 minutes a day to letting her mind run free and capturing those creative thoughts on index cards and in notebooks – to do later on. Listen to her interview with Rob Bell 
